Dear Klaus,
As of today, you’ve been gone for 6 months. Each day seems like an eternity without you. My brain still cannot comprehend that you’re not here, and keeps trying to convince me that you’re just on an extended vacation. I cry everyday. Time isn’t healing my wounds, they are still throbbing, itchy, and yes, occasionally oozing.
While 6 months is a completely arbitrary amount of time, it still struck me hard today. In a way it seems like a large amount of time, and in another it’s a tiny speck of time. Grief is a harsh task-mistress – whenever I feel like things are getting better, I quickly get smacked back down. Brave face on, facing the world, but underneath all is just a muddy puddle.
You will be happy to know that Bogart takes his Man of the House role seriously. Sometimes too seriously. He had such a fantastic vacation in LA at Casa Mareike where he got to just be a dog – run around a backyard, sleep during the day, and occasionally fight for food – and while I appreciate his increased protectiveness of me, I will work hard so that in the future he gets more “just being a dog” time.
You pop up in my dreams every once in awhile, but always in a supporting role. I’m still waiting for my leading man to return.
Bogart and I miss you SO MUCH
Love,
Lulu
Dear Lulu,
I wondered if I might share a poem with you today? It summarises the feelings that you have expressed to Klaus in this beautiful post. I suspect the poem will make you cry ~ and I’m sorry if it causes you pain ~ yet at the same time that pain is a measure of the love you feel for Klaus now, and always will. Love is a two sided coin ~ the more we love, the more we hurt.
Time does not bring relief:
Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year’s leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year’s bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, … so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, “There is no memory of him here!”
And so stand stricken, so remembering him!
~
by Edna St Vincent Millay (1892 – 1950)
No words of sympathy will ease your pain, but please know that I and many others think of you often. Time doesn’t heal the longing and the profound sense of loss, but it dulls it somewhat and one day you notice that the sick twisting knot in your chest comes less and less often. It will take as long as it has to, and that’s ok. I know that I don’t know you, but I wish I was there to give you a hug. Know that, through technology and through the kindred spirit of knowing what you are feeling, I am there crying with you.
I am speechlesss, hang in there my dear. The pic is priceless.
Katy M
Dear Lulu,
What a beautiful and telling picture of the two of you, what a beautiful however short story of your Love and Life! They say “Time Heals”, but they don’t tell you that “Time” Doesn’t Happen Soon … To us, outsiders, virtual witnesses, peekers from behind the curtains, anonymous friends and secret admirers of your blog and talent time flies fast. For you it probably stands still. And silent. Faithful Bogie, your furry warrior just goes on with his life, loving and protecting you the best he knows, day after day after day. You, his mama, the most precious thing in his life (after pine cones, of course 😆 ), for you are The Center of his Universe now.
May you two find Peace in knowing that there are people and doggies out there who remember you, and Klaus, and your beautiful story, and who send you and Bogart their Love and Healing Energy, and think of you every day.
Big bearish hugs from
Bel-Bel and his ma and pa
what a beautiful and touching photo. we offer our comfort to you during this difficult time… we’re thinking of you.
many hugs,
Brownie